Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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