There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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