i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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