got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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