You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
