they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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