From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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