How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
