i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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