you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
