Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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