they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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