The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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