it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
