What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
