You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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