You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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