I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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