im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
