considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
