idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
