he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
