just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
