Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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