A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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