i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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