If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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