Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
