I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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