I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sarcasm needs its own font
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
