Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize