I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
