Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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