Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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