I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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