I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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