I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
