I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ugly people sure do ruin things
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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