The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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