the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
