you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
