Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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