you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize