I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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