I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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