Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
