plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
