So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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