Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
