porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
