If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
