I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
