it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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