Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
