don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
