update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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