I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
