dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
