she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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