I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
