Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
