That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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