another moral hangover. fuck.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
